You Scared? Me Too.

Have you ever been so afraid that you feel like you can’t move? Like you’re paralyzed? The other day I walked into my bathroom and saw something moving in my shower. With a second glance I realized that it was a scorpion. A SCORPION. In. My. Shower. I currently live in Texas so maybe that’s a normal thing, but not for me. I froze in my tracks and immediately about had a panic attack about what to do. The “fight or flight” response was kicking in and trying to decide which action to take. The obvious move would be to get rid of it but I had no idea how. Kill? With what (it has a stinger on it’s tail!)? Try to save it and get it outside? But I live in an apartment complex on the top floor! Flush it? Can it swim?? I had no idea where to even begin and I just stood there and watched it crawl in circles.

In our day to day, this paralyzing fear isn’t quite as obvious as being startled and afraid of a bug, but fears during our day are just as real and even more debilitating. To be completely honest, it’s taken me three weeks to sit down and write this and post it. Not because I’m lazy (although I can be) and not because I don’t care or don’t have the desire to. I have even tried several times to sit down and put pen to paper- or fingers to keypad- and felt completely stuck. Maybe you’ve been there, too. Have you ever hesitated to hit “Submit” or “Send” or to register for that event or that course? Or maybe to quit that job or break up with that guy? Or maybe to say “yes” or “I love you”? What is it that stops you?

We all encounter some kind of fear on a daily basis. I find the most common sources in my life to be a fear of the unknown, or uncertainty, and the fear of failure. That’s why it has taken me so long to write about it. It’s scary to not know how or if people will respond. It’s terrifying to think that I could fail and suck at writing, speaking, or doing my job of helping people break through their own fears. It was easier and safer to do nothing at all. But where did that get me? Three weeks later with no forward progress and the feelings of “I still haven’t done that” and “What’s wrong with me?” hanging over my head.

I remember when I was in elementary and middle school when we would play dodge-ball in gym class. I would stand at the back of the group once the game began and pretend that I got hit by the ball within the first couple of minutes so people wouldn’t see me fail to catch it when it did finally come my way. Ya’ll. I was a somewhat athletic little kid and I wasn’t afraid of being hit or getting hurt, but I was scared to death of people seeing me fail. I was terrified of what would happen if I messed up. It sets in a such a young age! And it didn’t get any better.

My sophomore year of high school, I chose to try to run cross country (which is a badass sport and so challenging) instead of playing soccer for school. Soccer was my sport, I played it year round and loved it. I told everyone the reason was that I wanted to work on my endurance during my competitive team off-season and spend time with my friends who were on the cross country team. Truthfully, during my freshman year on the soccer team I had been benched more often than not and I was too proud and afraid of whether that might happen again in year two. I was so afraid of failing and not knowing what the season would hold, that I didn’t even try out for the team.

The list of my fears of failure or uncertainty of whether I could do something and what would come of it has only gotten longer over the years. But I have also developed a list of overcoming fears and stepping fully into them. And I can tell you that much better things have come when I have chosen to walk towards my fears and not away from them. From moving all over the country, far away from the comfort of my family and home, to walking through the aftermath of an affair and divorce and learning how to be single for the first time in over a decade (not to mention learn how to love myself and consider myself worthy of love), to climbing some mountains, starting my own business, and allowing myself to fall in love again (possibly the scariest of all the things!), the fear of judgment or of failing has been overwhelming in all of these. But every time I have embraced my fears and let them move me forward, the reward has been more than I could have imagined.

One of my favorite poems says: “A strong woman isn’t afraid of anything. But a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of fear.” We are undoubtedly and inevitably going to encounter fears. Real fears that bring us to our knees, bring tears to our eyes, and make us sick to our stomachs. We all have a choice with what we do with them. One of my paradigms that I share with my clients is to let fear empower you, not immobilize you. I can choose to sit here and watch the scorpion crawl around in the shower, or I can find a way to get rid of it and move on with my day. I can choose to sit idly by and watch someone else get the job, or I can send in the application. I can choose to ignore the problem, or have the conversation with my friend that may make her mad or hurt but could save her life. I can choose to live in fear and getting my heart broken again, or I can tell him I love him. You can choose, too. But I implore you, choose movement, not paralysis.

In 1 Samuel 17:32, 37 when David was about to fight the Philistine giant, Goliath, David said, “’The Lord who delivered me out of the paw of the lion and out of the paw of the bear, He will deliver me out of the hand of this Philistine.’ And Saul said to David, ‘Go, and the Lord be with you.’” David really had no chance of beating this giant. He was not a trained warrior, he was not a big man, he had not sword, he was a nobody. All he had was a rock and a sling shot. But he had courage and a faith that moved him. I love how Joyce Meyer explains this scene in her book, The Confident Woman Devotional: “…he did not stand for hours looking at the giant wondering how to win this battle. The Bible says that he ran quickly to the battle line, all the time talking about the greatness of God and declaring his victory ahead of time. David did not run away from his giant; he courageously ran toward him.”

So the question I leave you with is this: how might you show up differently in your life if you decide to not let fear win? What would you try? How might you show up in your relationships, marriage, conversations, job, team, families, activities…if you decide to let your fears empower you, not immobilize you. The choice is yours.